I need you

Don’t you think that you are frittering your time on me? You deserve better?No, don’t try to change the topic and stop looking at me like this. I mean,how could you fall in love with a dawdler guy? Can you please tell me? You know, you are a little bit outlandish.I am not earning a tad bit like you. Don’t you see or you really don’t want to see? What?

Last year on my birthday you had fetched an expensive shirt for me, remember?
Tell me when was the last time, we went to your favourite restaurant? I know you love fast track watches, have I ever gifted you? Whenever we go on a date, you pay the bill most of the times, no, don’t endeavor to change the topic. What do I give on valentines day? Tell me..

I have seen your friends, they keep japing you by saying that,”Oh! my goodness! Your boy friend has not got a job yet? And you are still with him, I would say that it would be better to leave him.” “Look, you are just eradicating your time on this sluggard guy, nothing else.”,”I think, it has been two years, and he is still struggling to get a job. Oh sorry, if I am not wrong, he is a private tutor, right?” “How much does he earn? Is he that impecunious that he can’t afford an expensive gift for you like the way our boy friends do? If he can’t fulfill these little wishes then what are you expecting in future?” They keep trampling by telling you this,”Don’t embezzle your time and money on that guy.” “Are you really blind?”, You solicited.

“Will you stop giving me lectures?”
“You are the jack of all trades.”
“Will you mind if I slap you? No just tell me, if you really want then I will do it with pleasure. May I?” I answered you sarcastically.

When I was not getting any job, when my friends had started spifflicating by calling me a, ‘Lame duck”, when I had lost my parents,I used to call them up for help, but they would not talk to me, had started keeping distance from me as I was just a farfel, my standard was not matching with them and they had already got a job. I had started losing my confidence consummately and pondering that, ‘Why am I so ratty?’,
“Am I not giving my best”, “Am I not good enough?”, when my own people had started turning into complete strangers, when I had become completely shipwrecked after my relationship with that guy was over, I was in dilemma, completely buttoned-up, all alone, I couldn’t even consolidate unerringly on something. I used to go for the interviews but unfortunately I was getting rejected back to back,only you had been there who had faith on me more than myself, who kept on saying continuously that, ‘Don’t listen to others, just focus on yourself.I know you can do it.Let them bark, work hard and prove them wrong,” I still remember you used to come with me everyday and wait outside those offices for hours until I came and would ask me whether I had something in lunch or not, and I used to often forget to bring food but you would cook and fetch for me, also admonish me for not taking care of myself like my ma and baba used to do.How can I unlearn those hard times when I was not having money to buy books but you had bought for me from your tuition fees and gifted me on my birthday. Those nights when I used to remain awake and panic but you had calm me down by telling those lord krishna’s stories, where he has told that difficulties will come,issues will come no matter who you are, but you’ll keep fighting.I was so bummed out that I had started taking sleeping pills so that I could sleep. Only you could feel me.
You would ask me if I had given my best or not, you would never ask me wether I was selected or not, where those kibosh people didn’t even ask me if I am okay or not?They were always ready to cast me down, I kept on lamenting day after day for not getting a job, only I know that how much I would displease you but without getting irritated you would listen to me diligently because I knew, only you will understand me.Whenever I would call you up, whether it was 2 or 3 in the night you were always there for me, always.

I had been going through a tough time, when you had given me the gallantry.You were the only person, who thought that I am not a loon, who emboldened me rather than shoving me off on those circumstances. You aided me mentally. I told you over and over again to leave me, did you leave me? Tell me, did you?Then
You said,”Listen to me,everything is going to be alright. Don’t think that I’ll start rapping out on you if you say all these. No, I’ll never be tired of listening, bad days don’t last forever and don’t think too much.”
Remember?

You did not leave me on my bad days then how can you expect that I’ll shove you off? Are you really thinking that I’ll be listening to those hoper people? And yes, I gifted a expensive shirt but did you take? No! Then? And pls don’t worry.We’ll fulfill our all dreams together, I am with you.You know, we have many people in our halcyon days but they become imperceptible when we need them, everyone can promise,which is not a big deal now a days, but there are few who can actually keep their words and you are one of them.Believe me, it’s impossible to get such kind of love and support these days, which I got from you. And I don’t want to lose you, never.You are my trasure. And will you please stop calling yourself “wretch?”, I don’t want to hear this. Trust me, if you say one more time, i’ll smash your head with sledgehammer.Understood? I fucking love you idiot. Don’t you understand?

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